I know this will happen because it always does. It's different than leaving my students with a sub. This is way harder. I feel that I am with Granny all day, every day and I know her patterns and can usually calm her down and help her through the day.
It would be different if I knew that someone else would come over and be with her for even half a day, but that won't happen, which is another source of worry, but whatever. I don't know how she will do by herself for the whole day while Mom is at work. She gets so bored when I am here, what's going to happen when I'm not.
I know I shouldn't feel guilty for taking time for myself, but I do. If I don't take care of her, who will?! Mom can't take off work to do it anymore, although that's what will most likely happen. Aunt Pat will help sometimes, but she has lots of other stuff to do and Granny has plenty of other family members that could certainly step up and pitch in. Well, they won't so the responsibility falls back on me and Mom. I'm aware that we chose this, but I mostly chose it because I saw a need that others weren't filling. I'm not resentful, just heartbroken for Granny since it seems that nobody cares enough to take time out of their lives (you know, kinda like the one I gave up for her?) to share the responsibility. She isn't aware of much, anymore, but she is sure aware that nobody comes to visit her. This is a hard thing to watch her go through.
Oh well, we do what we have to do, which is why I feel guilty for leaving. I know I need the time away to take care of myself so I can take care of Granny, and I know that everything will be fine, I just worry! There will be several phone calls home each day to check in and I'll be ready to go again when I get back!!
1 comment:
Pat does a lot more than she gets credit for. She drops by during the day a lot, when Mom's home alone. She also calls her several times a day. And she's always there when things go wrong and we need to talk to someone on the phone and have someone talk to Mom.
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